Grow it out

I remember the first time I got my short haircut, it was during my first holiday while i was in junior high. I used to have shoulder length hair before. My mother always complained about how messy my hair was, so when I was in Jakarta I accompanied my cousin to get a haircut. The only thing I remember was my aunt asked the hairdresser to make my head looks no disaster anymore. So she cut it. I didn't even mind at the time.

When I was back to school my friends told me that I look cool and boyish, somehow I became tomboy and the hell I don't know why. Then the next year it grew and I got almost-shoulder-length hair, but I felt like shit and chopped it all off again. I acted totally boyish during my junior high years. I wore boy clothes like t-shirts and men short pants and kept my hair short all the time. And I think I was trying to look like a boy during that time. Hell no I was no lesbian, by the way.

When I entered high school I thought the puberty phase slowly passed and I wanted to be just normal no boyish and girly just simple girl. But you know what, it's hard to do that. I still sometimes wanted to be boyish again then I had my hair cut again and again. Just recently I felt more feminine then I didn't know what's on my head but a month ago I just got the shorties haircut I've ever gotten. And just now I got bored with my look.

On the other hand, I love to have short pixie hair because my head feels lighter and it hardly feels messy. I also feel taller. And thinking about the advantage of having short hair almost make me want to keep it short?
But no, I'll grow it out like my plan, even if I have to deal with disgusting look of my messy hair during the first months. I want to stop people from calling me 'dude'.

It's my new year revolution beside the END OF HIGH SCHOOL. NO I'M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE  I STILL HAVE TO NAIL ALL THE SUBJECTS FOR THE BIG FINAL EXAM AND HOW I HAVE TO STRUGGLE TO BE ACCEPTED IN THE UNIVERSITY OF MY CHOICE.

Pray to Allah.